I can do better…

There are good days in life. There are hard days. Then there are days that tear your heart right into pieces. Today is one such day. There is a certain finality to it all. I’m clear on the brevity of life but fear I misjudged the need for abjact intensity. There is so much negativity and difficulty we struggle through daily, that it’s easy to put your head down, square your back and just shoulder through limply. But as I prepare to lay my grandfather to rest today and on the precipice of turning 40, I’m saddened by the sheer mediocrity of pace with which I walk through some seasons of my life. Let’s be clear, this is no monologue of self degradation but rather a call to arms. As my late Grandmother would say,… “It’s growing late in the evening.”

So in that spirit, I commit to not wasting another year, day or moment on things that don’t feed my spirit, build myself or another person up or bring life and love to this world. I opened my eyes this morning, my grandfather didn’t. He ran his race well. And the Lord called him home to finally rest. I’m still here, that means there’s more for me to do. There is a profound calling on the life of every single person that opened their eyes this morning. How will you live fully today?

You may be the only Bible people ever read. I may be the only church someone ever encounters. Will I dare to see the invisible, affirm the forgotten, embrace the untouchable, adore the unlovable or will I just put my head down and grit through another day of psuedo living? What if that’s the point of it all? To live fully, love recklessly and leave it all on the floor. Isn’t that what our Savior did? I may not get 86 years like Pops,… Hell tomorrow isn’t even promised.

So just in case, let me serve notice today. I see you. I know your story has been hard, but as Christopher Reeves posits; “Once you choose hope, anything’s possible.” And isn’t that the truth? So dare to hope again. Dare to dream anew and don’t ever be afraid to love. So I see you. I affirm you, just as you are. You are beautiful. You are beloved. God the Creator of heaven and Earth adores you! I forgive you, please forgive me. I embrace you. I love you and there isn’t anything you can do about it. I stand along side heaven, waiting with tip toe anticipation to bear witness to how you’re going to change your corner of the world. Just surrender. I dare you to let go of all you’ve fought to hold to and just allow God to use you. This is not a dress rehearsal. We get one life. One chance. I’m done playing small, when my Creator made me loud and vivid and amazing.

Father God, create in me a clean heart, renew in me a right spirit. Lord, I know I can be a slow processor, thank you for your patience. Thank you for loving me even when I’m not very lovable.

Thank you for gracing my life with living legends as examples of lives well lived. Father teach me to lead with love and walk wide open. So I stand here this morning, with tears streaming down and arms outstretched, saying Father, I’ll go. Send me.

For this life, this day, this moment, that last breathe, my heart that beats without any assistance from me, unmerited Grace & Mercy… for it all I say thank you and will honor it fully going forward by living my best life to your glory.

Ashé _ Selah

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