I think I’m doing things all wrong. I vacillate between needing to know my worth – trying to feel all powerful and feeling like a total screw up. I try so hard to be kind. I try so hard to work on our relationship. I’m so incredibly grateful for EVERYTHING and all the ways you show your love. So why do I feel so utterly unlovable? The voices in my head keep reminding me of all the ways I fall short. The prosecutor Satan be on the case!!!! I know that our status in life is to “fall short” and your grace makes up the difference. But I feel even less than the average raggedy Christian.
My heart is well meaning but my life sometimes doesn’t reflect that. I gossip, my finances are abysmal (got this shopping habit- but your girl stay cute), I have road rage, I make poor choices, I abhor being single. Some days I dislike my job, I’m not always patient, I eat the wrong things, I say the wrong things, my kid thinks his mother is bipolar sometimes. I could go on, but I think you get it.
But somehow looking at that list, feels pretty weak, compared to your power and grace. When I pause the crazy train and look at the cast of characters you used in the bible, I’m somehow encouraged that you may even be able to use someone like me.
Your grace is sufficient. Your grace is sufficient. Your grace is sufficient. And Do not fear. You say it over and over. But what do I do?… Depend on my own power and walk around scared.
God thank you for loving me so much that you never grow weary of showing me “my good.” Or loving me in spite of my “not so good” & “downright bad”. Thank you for doing for me what you knew I could never do for myself. Thank you God for never giving up on me. Every day I open my eyes on this side of glory means I get another chance to show your love but also there’s more for me to do. I’ll go. Send me. But Father never leave my side. (You know that whole scared thing) Turn this mess into a message where you are most glorified.
A challenging, scared, persecuted, single mom covered by Grace & redeemed by Your Love!